Counseling Corner Archives

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference-AMEN!

(Read Philippians 4:10-14)

Serenity is having an inner calm in the midst of the ups and downs of life. It involves learning to be content with the things in our life that cannot be changed.

The apostle Paul wrote: “I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little” (Philippians 4:11-12). When Paul wrote this, he was in a Roman prison waiting to hear if he would be executed. And yet we hear no whining or complaining. Instead, he learned to accept the circumstances he could not change.
Some of us have never accepted the hurtful circumstances of our life. We may be living in denial to avoid the pain. We continue to struggle against the painful realities, to rebel against who we are or what has happened to us. Others of us have accepted the bad, even to the point of feeling that it’s normal and comfortable. Therefore, we repeat the destructive cycle of behavior.

The process of recovery is a time of learning to find serenity while also accepting life as it is. Life isn’t always fair. It isn’t predictable or controllable. It can be wonderfully rich in some ways and terribly difficult in others. When we become willing to face the hurt in our life and consider how we have reacted to it, then our discomfort can lead us to break the destructive cycle. Then we can learn to be content with the things we cannot change.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can-and the wisdom to know the difference-AMEN!

Many of us have spent our life trying to be someone we are not. Our addictive/compulsive behaviors may be only a desperate attempt to escape from ourselves. Maybe we have difficulty accepting our personality, our appearance, our handicap, or even our talents. Perhaps we spend our energy and time trying to be what other people want us to be because we feel that who we are is not enough. We may do all we can to separate from our inner being because we are so deeply ashamed of who we are. Self-hatred is a defect of character that needs to be removed. It breeds the sin of covetousness-that is, longing to be in someone else’s situation or have what they have. The psalmist wrote, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-and how well I know it” (Psalm 139:14). Saying we are God’s “workmanship” means that we are unique and beautiful masterpieces-works of divine poetry. Beauty and value are designed into the very fiber of our being by virtue of our Creator.

In the process of life, it is important to allow God to remove our self-hatred, helping us to value ourselves for who we are. We have been miraculously created, and we are treasured by God. This has been true since the time we were in our mother’s womb, long before we could do anything to earn it! As we begin to see how unique and special we are, embraced and accepted by God himself-so precious to Him that he has recorded every day of our life in a book we can walk in the truth of God’s Word and be what He has called us to be…His beloved child.

Pastor Tina

Read from  Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Sometimes the events of life just don’t fit together into coherent, meaningful patterns. How can we make sense of a past filled with sexual abuse? Why did God allow us to grow up in a home with an alcoholic? How does being the victim of physical, verbal, emotional abuse play a part in God’s plan?

All of these questions are multiplied when we see how our painful experiences have led us to make bad decisions. We see that we have perpetuated the destruction by attempting to compensate for being sinned against in our developmental years.

The Teacher in Ecclesiastes was searching for the key that would unlock the door to life’s meaning. The first part of Ecclesiastes gives us the Teacher’s conclusion: “Under the sun,” that is, on this side of eternity, some things just don’t make sense. After recognizing this basic truth, he advised that we are called to recognize that life is God’s good gift to us.

The Teacher’s final conclusion, which admonishes us to reverence God and obey his commands, puts life into perspective. It creates the necessary boundaries to hold us back from selfish hedonism, while still allowing us to enjoy the good things in life.

Sure life is God’s good gift to be enjoyed, not a puzzle to be solved, Ecclesiastes helps us cope with our humanity. There will be some things in life that we will never understand. Rather than attempt to understand the inscrutable events in our life, the Teacher counsels us to enjoy the parts of lift that do make sense and to entrust the rest to God’s care.      

LOVE!

Read John 14:15-26

Real love brings security into our life. For many of us, feelings of insecurity contribute to the power of our dependency. Believing that love can bring lasting security may be hard for those of us who have been abandoned. Maybe someone we loved betrayed our trust. Perhaps someone turned away from us when we betrayed theirs. It could be that someone we needed died, leaving us permanently.

Jesus promised, “No, I will not abandon you as orphans…I will come to you” (John 14:18). We may ask, How can I trust in God’s love when it feels like all I’ve ever known is love that disappoints? Here’s the difference: Jesus is the only one who entered our life through the “one way” door of death. “God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loves us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins” (1 John 4:9-10).

The psalmist wrote, “For he understands how weak we are; he knows we are only dust…The wind blows, and we are gone…But the love of the LORD remains forever with those who fear him” (Psalm 103:14-18).

God’s love is unconditional and always waiting for us. Turning our life over to God involves opening the door of our heart to his love. Filling up on God’s love helps us to avoid relapses. It meets us at our deepest need and overcomes our most powerful insecurities.

HUMILITY: Giving Up Control

Read: Jeremiah 18:1-6

Giving up control may be difficult for us. When we get ready for God to remove our shortcomings, we still may want to control how he does it. We are so used to calling the shots that we’ll ask for God’s help as long as he does it on our terms. We may demand that the changes happen on our timetable or in the order we feel ready to give them up.

God doesn’t work that way. That is why HUMILITY is such an important part of life (especially in the life of recovery). God told Jeremiah to go to the potter’s shop to learn a lesson. Jeremiah said, “I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so the potter squashed the jar into a lump of clay and started again. Then the LORD gave me this message…”Can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in potter’s hand, so are you in my hand” (Jeremiah 18:3-6). God told Isaiah, “Destruction is certain for those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot ever argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you are doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be!” (Isaiah 45:9)

When we put our life in God’s hands, he will reshape us as he sees fit. It is our HUMILITY that allows us to accept the fact that he is the Creator. Our new life may be similar to the one we left behind or entirely different. God is the master craftsman. Whatever he does, we can trust that he will recreate our life beautifully, once we get out of his way-so please…Move out the Way-Let God have His Way!”

The Road to Recovery

Read Philippians 4: 10—13

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. ~Amen

Serenity is having an inner calm in the midst of the ups and downs of life. It involves learning to be content with the things in our life that cannot be changed.

The process of recovery is a time of learning to find serenity while also accepting life as it is. Life isn’t always fair. It isn’t predictable or controllable. It can be wonderfully rich in some ways and terribly difficult in others. When we become willing to face the hurt in our life and consider how we have reacted to it, then our discomfort can lead us to break the destructive cycle. Then we can learn to be content with the things we cannot change.

Based on the Beatitudes by Pastor Rick Warren

• Principle 1: Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong & that my life is unmanageable (step 1). “Blessed are the poor in the spirit.” (Matt. 5:3) 

• Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him & that he has the power to help me recover (step 2). “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matt. 5:4) 

• Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life & will to Christ’s care & control (step 3).
  “Blessed are the meek.” (Matt. 5:5) 

• Principle 4: Openly examine & confess my faults to myself, to God & to someone I trust (steps 4 & 5). “Blessed are the pure in heart.” (Matt. 5:8) 

• Principle 5: Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life & humbly ask him to remove my character defects (steps 6 & 7). “Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness.” (Matt. 5:6) 

• Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me & make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others (steps 8 & 9). “Blessed are the merciful.” (Matt. 5:7) “Blessed are the peacemakers.” (Matt. 5:9) 

• Principle 7: Reserve a daily time with God for self-examine, Bible reading & prayer in order to know God & his will for my life & to gain the power to follow his will (Steps 10 & 11).

• Principle 8: Yield myself to God to be used to bring this good news to others, both my example & by my words (step 12). “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness.” (Matt. 5:10)
  

During the month of August meditate on these truths!

~Pastor Tina Cotto